Journal

Do you have a journal? Write down your thoughts, prayers, fears, worries...whatever comes to your mind?

I don't journal my everyday thoughts but I have a prayer journal. A journal I just write my thoughts to God...my struggles, worries, fears, failures, hopes, desires!! It's precious to me.

A few months ago, however, I started re-doing a daily bible study that I first did around 6 years ago. It's called David, 90 Days With a Heart Like His. It's by Beth Moore. As I read what I wrote after each lesson and read each prayer for my life I was overwhelmed seeing how God has answered so many of those prayers. They weren't financial prayers or for a nicer car or house (although, at the time we were in between homes so it was tough)

But the prayers I wrote were things like....

"Only with Your strength can I look at any and every situation and be thankful when I want to get angry, selfish or when I'm hurt or life's unfair. Please strengthen me and help my perspective to be God given and help me to be thankful."

And-

"Please help me to be slow to anger. I want your godly traits to empower my life. I want to overlook negativity and wrong doing from others. Please help my attitude to come from you and always be accepting and positive. Please help my life to always represent You."

"God, I want my faith to be steadfast in You! I want to have faith that You will always pull me through the tough times. Thank You that You have shown me Your greatness, mercy and grace...."

I went through this study right after we lost our baby boy and we had just sold our house and were living with my parents until we moved into our home we're in now. It was a very tough and dark time. Lots of searching, struggling and questioning.

But sitting here, right now,  I have a heart that is so full of what God has done for me and Who He has been in my life and how He has provided not only my daily needs such as shelter, food and clothes but He has provided wisdom, knowledge and understanding. He has provided trust and faith in my heart to look to Him in my darkest time and hold my hands up and praise Him for His plan is perfect.

Do I still have moments where I'm uncertain and unsure of the task or situation at hand? YES!! Do I have doubt that creeps up? Yep....I sure do. But, I have to step back and think about God's faithfulness and I have to come to the conclusion that He's never left me nor forsaken me and I know from personal experience and because His Word says...He never will. I can tell especially in times when I fail to fall at His feet that my doubt and uncertainty are greater than in those seasons where I run to Him with my struggles and doubt.

I'm NO WHERE near where He wants me to be (or where I want to be)....but I prayed for a greater desire for Him...He's provided more. I asked for more faith and trust in Him.....He's provided. I prayed for more strength during all times of life....He's provided. I've asked Him to allow me to be more loving, generous, compassionate, understanding, humble, patient.....He's provided (although some might argue that teehee)

But one of the main points I want to make here is I've seen these changes over a 6 years time period and really even longer than that. No matter how big or little the change has been I'm thankful I can still see change!! I may have wrote this in another post but it's on my mind a lot, "God loves me just as I am but He loves me too much to leave me that way!"

Aren't you thankful God doesn't want to leave us the way we were when we met him? He has so much work to do in me and I'm thankful He's not finished with me yet!!

What an amazing God!!