I'll love you forever

A little less than a year ago, on a warm rainy night, these two very different sisters walked into my living room. They were quiet....at the time. After dinner and bath they settled down to watch cartoons before bedtime.

That night seems almost like yesterday but so long ago all at the same time.

This last year has brought a multitude of giggles, hugs, kisses, I love yous,  and memories that will forever be etched into my heart. There have also been countless tears and character building moments for all of us. It's tested our levels of love and compassion but most importantly, it has driven me to the foot of the cross.

To say this last year has been difficult is an understatement. It has been the most eye-opening and soul stirring year of my life. God has proven to be my strength and has carried me when the ground gave way to the pressures of life. He has been the only constant and the most faithful provider. The provider of love, joy and contentment. He has given peace even when I haven't understood my surroundings and He's provided His wisdom when I was at loss on what to say, how to react and how to show love when my own heart was barren. His Word has truly been a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. He has given the most amazing God fearing women to cover me in prayer when all I wanted to do was crawl in bed and cry.

This year has taught me complete surrender. Surrendering the hopes and dreams I've held tight to for years.

Surrendering it all for His best.

Those beautiful girls who stole my heart 344 days ago left like the wind today. I will never be the same. My emotions have been unexplainable most days but today I'm empty. I feel like a part of me is lost and will never return. The decision we made to let those little hearts twirl out of our home was one of complete exhaustion. One that was thoroughly burdensome and brought sleepless nights and a tear stained pillow. But, to know God holds them and will carry them through the years to come and to trust that He loves them more than I do and cares deeply for their path has steadied my heart.

I don't know, really, if this was God's plan or our lack of dependence on Him but, either way, I'm handing Him our mess and asking Him to create something beautiful when all I see is brokenness and failure.

I know He will.

Isaiah 43:19 says, "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am      making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

I know something new will spring up in the lives of those sweet little ones.

And my prayer for them is Psalms 16:11 "Make known to them the path of life; fill them with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand."

God is good. And I will hold onto that truth even when what I see is not good.

I've poured my heart out before the Lord this last year asking for strength to get through the hard days. I'm now asking God for strength to let go. Let go and let Him have His way in the lives of those girls and in the lives of our family.

And that is where my trust remains.

I'll love you forever sweet girls!!